so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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