I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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