textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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