20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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