Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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