ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
