All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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