I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
