"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
