i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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