what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
