yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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