i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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