By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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