I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
