everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
