im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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