just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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