I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i would punch a child for taco bell
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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