i permit you to call me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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