Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
