I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Let the clothes fall where they may.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
