the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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