mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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