We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
