Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
