get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
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Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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