Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
