Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
