I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
