I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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