I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
