So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
