I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize