my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
