Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The Olympian is in my bed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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