I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
