I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
