My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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