She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
