i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
