Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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