you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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