Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You pole danced in your parka.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
