just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
