Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
