my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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