u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
my liver is dry heaving
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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