i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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