This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
