I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
