I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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