what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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