i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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