It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Mom said you looked used
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
