i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
