they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
