Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
