You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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